What to expect from your first therapy session…
Starting therapy can feel like a big step.
Maybe you've been thinking about it for months, you've opened a therapist's website more times than you can count, wondering if it's finally time to book, or, maybe you're here because you're overwhelmed, exhausted, and hoping something can finally help.
Whatever brought you here, one thing is incredibly common: not knowing what to expect.
If you've never been to therapy before, or you’re beginning work with a new therapist, it's natural to wonder:
Will I have to tell my whole life story?
Will they judge me if I cry?
What if I don't know what to say?
Are my problems big enough to go to therapy?
The good news is that your first session isn't about having all the answers. It's about getting to know each other and creating a space where you can begin to feel understood.
You Don't Have to Prepare the "Perfect" Story
One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that you need to organize your thoughts before you arrive. Surprise! You don't.
You don't need a timeline of everything that's ever happened to you. You don't need to know exactly why you're struggling. And you definitely don't need to explain everything perfectly.
My role as the therapist isn't to evaluate how well you tell your story - it's to help you make sense of your experiences in a safe, supportive space - one conversation at a time.
We'll Start by Getting to Know You
During your first session, I’ll usually ask questions to better understand what has brought you to therapy.
This might include:
What's been feeling difficult lately?
What are you hoping will change?
What do your social supports look like?
Previous experiences with therapy, if any
Any questions or concerns you have
There isn't a right or wrong answer to these questions.
You always get to choose what feels okay to share. Building trust takes time, and you can take all the time you need.
We Won't Dive Into Trauma Right Away
If you've experienced abuse, relationship violence, childhood trauma, or other painful experiences, you might worry that your first session will involve reliving everything but it doesn't have to. Healing happens when your nervous system feels safe, so rather than asking you to revisit every painful memory immediately, we will focus on understanding your current experience, building trust, and helping you feel grounded before exploring more difficult material.
You are always in control of what you share and when.
Important!! It's Okay If You Cry
Tears are one way our bodies express emotion, release stress, or respond to finally feeling safe enough to let our guard down.
Some people cry during their first session.
Some laugh.
Some feel numb.
Some talk the entire hour.
Some don't know what to say and this silence is okay.
Every response is welcome.
It's Also Okay If You Don't Cry
There is a common belief that therapy only "works" if you're emotional and that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Many people, especially those who have spent years surviving difficult experiences, have learned to disconnect from their emotions as a way of coping. Others naturally process experiences by thinking, asking questions, or trying to make sense of what's happening.
Wherever you are is okay.
Therapy isn't about reacting in a certain way. It's about helping you become more connected to yourself at a pace that feels manageable. As a therapist, I believe that connecting with your inner-experience and emotions is incredibly important for the therapy process - but this is a skill that takes time to build and we work on this together.
Therapy Is a Conversation, Not an Interrogation
As your therapist, I will ask questions - but I never want you to feel like you’re being interrogated. Instead, think of therapy as a collaborative conversation. Through curiosity and questions, we may be able to notice patterns you've never considered or gently challenge a belief that's keeping you stuck.
Sometimes we’ll simply sit together while you make sense of something difficult. You don't have to perform, impress, or prove anything.
You Can Ask Questions Too!
The first therapy session is also your opportunity to decide whether the therapist feels like a good fit. These questions can be asked in the free 15-minute consult that I offer (Book here!) and/or in the sessions to follow (even if it’s our 20th session, you are always welcome to ask questions)
You can ask questions such as:
What is your approach to therapy?
How do you work with trauma?
What experience do you have treating relationship OCD or anxiety?
What might therapy look like over the next few months?
How often do people usually come to therapy?
Feeling comfortable with your therapist matters.
Research consistently shows that the relationship between therapist and client is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in therapy.
You Don't Have to Be in Crisis to Benefit From Therapy
Many people wait until they're completely overwhelmed before reaching out, but therapy isn't only for moments of crisis.
People come to therapy for many reasons, including:
Constant overthinking or anxiety
Difficulty trusting healthy relationships
Healing after emotionally or physically abusive relationships
Childhood trauma
Feeling disconnected from themselves
Burnout
Life transitions
Wanting healthier relationships
You don't have to earn the right to ask for support. If something is affecting your quality of life, it deserves care.
You May Leave Feeling Different Than You Expected
Some people leave their first session feeling lighter. Others leave feeling emotional because they've finally spoken about something they've been carrying alone. Some leave feeling hopeful. Sometimes, people feel emotionally heavy and experience what is called a “vulnerability hangover” - the intense wave of shame, anxiety, and regret you feel after opening up or taking an emotional risk. All of these reactions are normal and should be honoured. Even if you feel emotionally “hungover” after our time together, this is still an important first step and the best remedy is self-care and knowing you’re not alone.
Beginning therapy is the start of a relationship, not a quick fix. Healing often happens gradually through many small moments between us of understanding, self-compassion, and nervous system safety.
Therapy Is a Space Where You Don't Have to Carry Everything Alone
Whether you're living with relationship anxiety, relationship OCD, the effects of past relationship violence, or simply feeling stuck, therapy offers something many people haven't experienced before: a space where you don't have to figure everything out by yourself.
You don't have to arrive with the perfect words.
You don't have to have everything organized.
You don't have to convince me that you're struggling enough.
You can simply show up as you are.
Together, we'll make sense of what's been happening, explore the patterns that have been keeping you stuck, and begin building new ways of relating to yourself and the people around you.
If you've been wondering whether therapy could help, your first session doesn't have to be about having it all figured out. It can simply be the beginning.